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Enlightened Phoenix Group

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Mark Masek
Mark Masek

Dirty Talk


Dirty Talk

It can be a little uncomfortable at first, but there is such a sense of freedom that comes with allowing your dirty talk to flow freely. It truly does shift the entire dynamic of your sex life in such an easy and sustainable way.

Give yourself permission to go at your own pace. You're on nobody's schedule to learn how to dirty talk except your own. Sharing your fantasies via text may be a better choice if you're not comfortable with any face-to-face play yet. (Here's our full guide to sexting, in case you're curious.)

"Dirty talking isn't about it being gross or crude or vulgar," Shan Boodram, sexologist and K-Y's intimacy educator, tells mbg. "It's just more about, does it make you feel hot?" What makes a phrase dirty is how sexually aroused you get from hearing it. (Here's exactly how to turn someone on, by the way.)

The dirty things you say to your partner should feel natural and flow with the moment. It doesn't have to be super creative; it just needs to feel good to you and your partner. "Good sex is supposed to be freeing and explorative," Boodram explains.

The comfort you feel in your relationship has everything to do with what you're willing to try sexually. "Talking with your partner(s) beforehand about your interests in dirty talk can be a great way to reduce the anxiety when you're actually in the moment," sex and relationships therapist Kamil Lewis, AMFT, tells mbg.

Whether you're having phone sex for the first time or you're in a long-distance relationship, here are some dirty things to say when you're virtually connecting with someone. Pair with a long-distance sex toy to really up the ante.

Erotic talk, also known as dirty talk, gross talk, love talk, naughty talk, sexting, sexy talk, talking dirty, or talking gross is the practice of using explicit word imagery to heighten sexual excitement before and during (or instead of) physical sexual activity. It is commonly a part of foreplay, and can include vivid erotic descriptions, sexual humor, sexual commands and rude words. It may be whispered into a partner's ear, spoken over a telephone, or put into text. The intention of erotic talk is generally to generate excitement between one, both or all parties engaged in a sexual interaction, or even to induce orgasm.

When lovers are apart from one another and physical intimacy is impossible, it can be an important aspect of virtual sex, particularly phone sex and cybersex. Additionally, love talk is more sexual in nature than pillow talk and tends to occur preceding or during rather than following lovemaking.

In their publication An Examination of the Nature of Erotic Talk, Peter K. Jonason, Gabrielle L. Betteridge, and Ian I. Kneebone conduct a deep study of erotic talk, and how humans use it. In this publication, the authors report the results of their study. In a large-scale sexual survey done by the Great Australian Sex Census, it was found that 62% of the survey respondents enjoyed verbal communication during intercourse.[1] Erotic talk can also be an important aspect of relationship-building and relationship satisfaction as well as sexual satisfaction. Erotic talk can also help to facilitate orgasm for both men and women. Interestingly enough, this trend was also seen in non-human primates. This trend also suggest that what is said during intercourse can have biological implications. The authors justify this exploration into erotic talk due to the themes of an individual's sex differences, sociosexuality, and relationship satisfaction.[2]

These eight message themes fit into two higher order factors. These factors are individualist talk and mutualistic talk. Individual talk is a higher order of erotic talk themes that correlate more so to individual satisfaction, while mutualistic talk correlates more so to mutual satisfaction, namely a sexual partner's satisfaction.

Although there were several differences between sexes reported, the role of a participant's sex in their survey responses was stati


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